Q – When my mother found out I got engaged, she asked me to wear her wedding dress. It’s very simple and elegant but ivory, not white. I remember looking at the dress as a child and planning my dream wedding. But now my dream wedding doesn’t include this dress! Besides being too simple for what I wanted (it looks like something out of a Jane Austen novel) its ivory and I wanted to be in white for my wedding. How do I let her down gently with out hurting her feelings?
- Della M., Flagstaff, AZ
A – If you’re one of the lucky few who are the right size to wear your mother’s wedding dress, you are fortunate to have that option. That said, it’s an option not an obligation! Your wedding should be about what you want and your personal style. Be honest with your mother and tell her how much you appreciate the offer. One way to soften the blow might be to propose an alternative bridal session recreating her look. Where did your parents get married, what did her hair and bouquet look like? Talk to your photographer about adding a special mini session wearing mom’s old dress. Then frame the picture along with a copy of your mom in the dress and give it to her as a gift. It’s a great heirloom for your mom and you have a special memory of wearing her dress while still maintaining for own style for the wedding.
Q – My fiancée wants to get pre-printed thank you cards to send after the wedding that we can customize with a personal note. I think it’s tacky but he swears it will save a ton of time and accomplish the same thing. Who’s right?
- Rachel B., Dallas, TX
A – You’ve just won your first argument and you’re not even married yet! Thank you notes are the perfect way to wrap up your dream wedding. It’s a chance to let people know how much it meant to you and your fiancée that they not only came, but bestowed a gift to start your new life together. Pre-printed cards don’t say that, in fact it practically screams that you don’t care who brought a gift and what it was, as long as they did. Don’t buy into the propaganda that people don’t really expect thank you cards anymore. It’s just not true! Thank you notes let people know you appreciate them and their support. And believe it or not, people do expect them and like getting them. Taking a few minutes and jotting down a quick personal note and thanking them specifically for what they gave you is a nice and relatively easy way to let the people who love and support you know how much you mean to them.
Q – I picked out and bought the most beautiful dress for my three year-old niece Melody to wear at my wedding. It matches my colors perfectly and she looks like a princess wearing it. The other day my sister-in-law asked if Melody could wear another dress, one that her mother had crocheted especially to celebrate our wedding. I want her to wear the dress I bought her but I don’t want to alienate her before I’m even married! What should I do?
- Cassie T., Santa Fe, NM
A – Welcome to married life and trying to make everyone happy! In-laws can be a challenge but they can also be a great addition to your family. When planning a wedding, the people around you have their own expectations about your day and unfortunately, you just have to give on some things. You need to decide how important Melody’s dress really is to your wedding. If its vital to have her wearing it the day you get married, you need to talk to your sister-in-law and let her know that. If it isn’t a big deal what she wears, then let it slide. You’ll be so busy enjoying your day you probably won’t even notice what she’s wearing. The best advice I can give is to be honest with her from the beginning. Your relationship will be better with her in the long run if you let her know how you feel. She might not like it but at least she’ll know you will deal with her straight, so that when the next conflict comes up (and it will, trust me) it might not be as difficult to overcome.
Having a wedding etiquette crisis? Ask our expert, Miss Emily for the best wedding advice around.
by Southwestern Bride
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